Food

So I guess I had better put it out there.  I’ve had a real hard adult life.  This isn’t about that though.  What this is about, is how I coped with it.  I ate.  I ate a lot.  When I got married, I weighed 190 pounds. More than I had ever weighed in my life.  During the first part of my marriage, I was forced to ride my bike every day.  It was horrible at first, but I went down to 170 in a little more than a month.  When I got there, I had a 32 waist and you could see my abs.  I physically felt awesome.

I felt physically awesome, but my life was a horrible mess.

Then the need for me riding my bike stopped, so I stopped.  Soon, I was back to 190.

230.

250.

I felt like I couldn’t stop gaining weight.  I was snoring so badly, I caught myself doing it when I was awake.

I ceased all physical activity that was unnecessary.  I was hungry all the time.

270.

Double extra large clothes were a getting tight on me.  A small thought went through me every time I put on my pants, I thought, “These are huge.”  Every time I looked in the mirror, I hated myself as I looked at my face, then thought of how fat I was when I looked down.

One day, I looked down and my left calf was puffy in a few areas.  Varicose veins. It is genetic, but my weight was making it much worse.

Fat fatty fat fat.

That pressure I felt when I sat down and my gut didn’t fit where it settled.

My belt buckle hurt a bit after a while because my fat was pressing down on it.

I starved myself because I felt guilty about eating.  Then, I would say, well I have to eat, so I will fill myself up.  Really fill myself up.

Tucking my shirt in constantly because my fat would keep pushing it out.

The phrase, “I’m fat,” never leaves your mind.  I’m being literal.

So here I was at 270.  I woke up one day in the spring, and I was super thirsty.  My mouth was completely dry.  I drank and drank and drank.  I had to drink.

Get this, I was drinking 5 45 ounce sports drinks per day.  Waking up at night, thirsty.  Urinating every 30 minutes.

But I started to lose weight.  So in my food addiction, I thought it was a GOOD thing.  I was full all the time because I was always full of liquid.

Here is what was happening.  My pancreas stopped producing insulin in levels necessary to process glucose in my blood.  As a result, my body triggered a thirst response in an effort to flush out the excess glucose.  I literally could not quench my thirst.

If you cannot quench your thirst, you are a Diabetic.  You are close to dying.  Go to the hospital NOW.

I was in this condition for several months.

230.

I got sick.  My colds usually lasted three or so days, but this one was going on for two weeks.  Then one evening my breathing became a weak whistle.  My throat was closing shut.  I was rushed to the E.R.

In the morning, prior to eating, your blood glucose levels should be 100 milligrams per deciliter.  When I got to the E.R., mine was almost 400.

I was sick because of all the sugar in my system.  My temperature was 105 degrees.  All the sugar made it a buffet for infection.  I also had pneumonia, strep throat and the swine flu.  I would have been dead in a few days.

So now that the sugar was under control, I was no longer thirsty.

230.

240.

250.

But I cut some things out of my diet, so I topped out around 250.

Forward to last year.  My best friend, Karen, who is in great shape, called me a food addict.

She told me I was killing myself.

That made me mad.  But who was I mad at?  I thought I was mad at her, but I realized I was mad at myself because it was true.

She also told me and still tells me that she doesn’t see me fat.  She sees me in a healthy body.  I hadn’t had that thought in years, and I couldn’t quite understand it.

A month ago, I knew it was time.  I joined a gym.  I’ve been working out for a few weeks now, and I’ve realized something.

What you eat is of paramount importance.  Also, how much you eat is key too.

It’s much harder to buy that bag of chips at the store, when you just put yourself through an hour of pain to only have that pain be a waste.

A sandwich is harder to eat when you realize two slices of wheat bread is 138 calories and that means I have to stay on the elliptical for 20 minutes to burn that many calories.  And most people think that bread is good for you.  It is not.

I am beating my food addition.  I lost three pounds my first week.  Three pounds the next.  Not because I’m special.  But I see myself as a healthy person, and I only have to make the journey to make that a reality.

I’m not special.

I love the pain I get in when I go kick my butt in the gym.  It means I’m closer to where I am going to be.

If you are overweight, you are killing yourself.  You are going to die an early death.  You will not live life like you were meant to live it.  It’s not easy.  It’s hard.  But you can do it.

Let’s do it together.

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